Life Advice from 10 Smart Humans

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
—Maya Angelou

“The one thing you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can. The moment that you feel that just possibly you are walking down the street naked… that’s the moment you may be starting to get it right.”
— Neil Gaiman

“Don’t try to win over the haters. You are not a jackass whisperer.”
—Brené Brown

“I see people my age… getting married to people they’ve known for like a year and a half. A year and a half? Is that enough time to get to know someone to know you want to spend the REST of your life with them? I’ve had sweaters for a year and a half and I was like ‘What the fuck was I doing with this sweater?’”
—Aziz Ansari

“Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.”
—Barbara Walters

“My husband likes to say that the work is probably evenly split if both partners feel like they are doing upward of 60 percent of the work, since a lot of what one partner does is necessarily invisible to the other partner. If you feel like you are doing half, you’re not.”
—Rebecca Rosen

“There is hardly a more gracious gift that we can offer somebody than to accept them fully, to love them almost despite themselves.”
—Elizabeth Gilbert

“Someday, sometime, you will be sitting somewhere. A berm overlooking a pond in Vermont. The lip of the Grand Canyon at sunset. A seat on the subway. And something bad will have happened: You will have lost someone you loved, or failed at something at which you badly wanted to succeed. And sitting there, you will fall into the center of yourself. You will look for some core to sustain you. And if you have been perfect all your life and have managed to meet all the expectations of your family, your friends, your community, your society, chances are excellent that there will be a black hole where that core ought to be. I don’t want anyone I know to take that terrible chance. And the only way to avoid it is to listen to that small voice inside you that tells you to make mischief, to have fun, to be contrarian, to go another way. George Eliot wrote, ‘It is never too late to be what you might have been.’ It is never too early, either.”
—Anna Quindlen

“Clutter and mess show us that life is being lived… Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend. What people somehow forgot to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here.”
—Anne Lamott

“Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.”
—Mindy Kaling

Cute things

A few cute things you are doing lately: 

• I asked who wanted breakfast and you raised your hand high in the air.
• You dropped a book, put your arms out and said "uh oh!"
• I said something about dinner and you immediately started shrieking, bobbing and (trying to) run inside. 
• Watching you try to run is the cutest thing ever. You aren't very coordinated or thin, so it looks like you are just working really, really hard at moving. 
• Whenever I pull into Jenny's house, you immediately start waving, saying "hi" and trying to run to me. 
• You like to sit on the couch, so you'll run up to it and pat the cushion. 
• If Jameson is annoying you, you swat his face. 

Love,

Mama

16 Tips On Confidence And Career From Smart Women

Sit down and ask yourself, ‘What is the most important thing to me?’ What grosses me out the most? What makes me the most upset — is it healthcare? Is it so many people being hungry in our culture? Is it sexual abuse?  Mix that with doing something you love, something you could keep doing forever and ever. For me it was ending violence against women, and I mixed it with music. And I’ve had a 25-year career. So that’s my advice: Find something you really care about and mix that with something you love doing. 
Kathleen Hanna

Take criticism seriously, but not personally. If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.
Hillary Clinton

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.
Tina Fey

This is the season when a clutch of successful women — who have it all — give speeches to women like you and say, to be perfectly honest, you can’t have it all. Maybe young women don’t wonder whether they can have it all any longer, but in case of you are wondering, of course you can have it all. What are you going to do? Everything, is my guess. It will be a little messy, but embrace the mess. It will be complicated, but rejoice in the complications. It will not be anything like what you think it will be like, but surprises are good for you. And don’t be frightened: you can always change your mind. I know: I’ve had four careers and three husbands.
Nora Ephron

My hope for the future, not just in the music industry, but in every young girl I meet, is that they all realize their worth and ask for it. 
Taylor Swift

I love women who are bosses and who don’t constantly worry about what their employees think of them. I love women who don’t ask, “Is that OK?” after everything they say. I love when women are courageous in the face of unthinkable circumstances, like my mother when she was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. Or like Gabrielle Giffords writing editorials for the New York Times about the cowardice of Congress regarding gun laws and using phrases like “mark my words” like she is Clint Eastwood. How many women say stuff like that?
Mindy Kaling

To follow your life’s guidance, you may have to reassign some seemingly important things to ‘unimportant.’ If you believe that pleasing your horrible boss or having a spotless clean house is a higher priority than playing with your children or sleeping off the flu, be prepared for a long and strenuous battle against destiny.
Martha Beck

I still go to a party and say something embarrassing to someone, and then write them a weird e-mail about it the next day, and then write them a text because I think they didn’t get the e-mail. No matter what happens with your level of success, you still have to deal with all the baggage that is yourself.
Lena Dunham

Don’t lament so much about how your career is going to turn out. You don’t have a career. You have a life. Do the work. Keep the faith. Be true blue. You are a writer because you write. Keep writing and quit your bitching. Your book has a birthday. You don’t know what it is yet.
Cheryl Strayed

MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, “I’m going to be your surgeon? I’m here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.
Tina Fey

Women need to shift from thinking “I’m not ready to do that” to thinking “I want to do that- and I’ll learn by doing it.
Sheryl Sandberg

The most effective way to do it, is to do it.
Amelia Earhart

Don’t ever confuse the two, your life and your work. That’s what I have to say. The second is only a part of the first…There are thousands of people out there with the same degree you have; when you get a job, there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you are the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on the bus, or in the car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank account, but your soul…People don’t talk about the soul very much anymore. It’s so much easier to write a résumé than to craft a spirit. But a résumé is cold comfort on a winter night, or when you’re sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you’ve gotten back the chest X ray and it doesn’t look so good, or when the doctor writes “prognosis, poor.”
Anna Quindlen

I used to dream about one day being at Wimbledon. I could taste the strawberries and cream I could see myself curtseying there at center court. And I didn’t make it there, obviously, as a tennis player, but let me tell you even though I had a mic in my hand instead of a tennis racket for ESPN when I went to cover it for the first time; to me it was like ‘check! Wimbledon.’ You have to be creative in reaching your goals and I think that’s what really helped me so much in my life both professionally and personally. Just not being too rigid. Having goals and setting goals, but being flexible with them and knowing that it might not quite look like how I think it’s going to look and that’s okay.
Robin Roberts

I spent most of my career, including my time at McKinsey, never acknowledging that I was a woman. And, you know, fast forward — I’m 43 now — fitting in is not helping us.
Sheryl Sandberg

So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: “Is this person in between me and what I want to do?” If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you’re in charge, don’t hire the people who were jerky to you.
Tina Fey

13 Tips On Love And Relationships From Smart Women

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.
Sheryl Sandberg

It’s never overreacting to ask for what you want and need.
Amy Poehler

If you text “I love you” and the person writes back an emoji, no matter what the emoji is – they don’t love you back.
Chelsea Peretti

As my mom has said, when one person is unhappy, it usually means two people are unhappy but that one has not come to terms with it yet.
Mindy Kaling

You cannot convince people to love you. This is an absolute rule. No one will ever give you love because you want him or her to give it. Real love moves freely in both directions. Don’t waste your time on anything else.
Cheryl Strayed

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there’s my personal favorite, the male ego.
Roseanne Barr

It’s somebody who gives you the space and time you need to do your work. Somebody who says, “You couldn’t do anything that would embarrass me. Just be yourself in a way that has integrity, and I’ll be proud of you.” I think women are conditioned to stand by their man and watch them make it to the top, but most men never believe the person they get into a relationship with is going to rise any higher than she was when they met. It takes a very special, evolved person to be able to deal with change within a relationship.
Lena Dunham

Don’t be strategic or coy. Strategic and coy are for jackasses. Be brave. Be authentic. Practice saying the word ‘love’ to the people you love so when it matters the most to say it, you will.
Cheryl Strayed

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.
Sarah Jessica Parker

Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you. 
Megan Mullally

People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to be pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.
Elizabeth Gilbert

So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.
Ellen Degeneres

Everyone knows that marriage is the biggest personal decision you make, but it’s the biggest career decision you can make. Partner with the right person, because you cannot have a full career and a full life at home with the children if you are also doing all the housework and childcare.
Sheryl Sandberg

First solo steps

For the last three days, you've just started walking across the room on your own. You look so proud of yourself after you do this!

Love,
Mom

On your first birthday

Dear Remi,

Today is your first birthday. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head and heart and I just wanted to take some time to write them out.

I was actually scared when I first found out you were a girl. For the first hour or so afterward, I just kept thinking "How am I going to do this?" I wasn't upset, just kind of in shock because having a daughter was going to be so different from having a son. Then I thought about all the things we could do together that mothers and sons can't really do and I started to get really excited.

Your personality started to emerge around six months or so and I know you are going to keep us on our toes! You are constantly exploring (crawling off at a high speed down the hallway), discovering (putting rocks in your mouth), and voicing your opinion (shrieking loudly). I am convinced you've had the FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) since you were born because you are not a great napper. You are a great night sleeper, so I guess I should be thankful for that.

You aren't really into books, but love ones that have flaps or different textures. You LOVE music and dancing and as soon as a song comes on, you are swaying back and forth. You are fascinated with Finley and Pumpkin and squeal with delight when Pumpkin is in the same room as you. You have a small yellow blanket (aka burpcloth) that you sleep with every night. You are a mover and shaker and have been since day one. You just want to move! You aren't easily amused and it takes A LOT to make you laugh. Seriously, I think you've spontaneously laughed about five times in your life (not counting tickling, that always gets you!). The other day Jameson was doing a silly song and dance routine, and you just burst out laughing! So, of course, he did it for about 10 more minutes until you got bored with it and turned away. 

You are beyond gorgeous. I look at you sometimes and can't believe you are part of me. You will always be beautiful to me, but I want you see past that. And I know everyone says that, but I will never focus on your looks because even if you're beautiful, if you're not kind to people, it won't matter. If you are beautiful, kind, and a hard worker, Remi, you will be unstoppable.

Every night I tell you that I am here for you, no matter what. I tell you to be kind and work hard. I tell you that people (aka boys) that love you will respect you and if they don't, you need to leave immediately. There are no second chances in that area. I just want to engrain these into your mind so that someday when someone breaks your heart, you will know who you can turn to.

This year is going to go by even faster than the first and I am so looking forward to this year. I hope to see you start talking, walking, running, playing with Jameson, exploring our new neighborhood, laughing, climbing, making new friends, and just interacting in life with us. I can't even imagine life without you Remi girl. Your smile lights up a room and I just can't wait to continue doing life with you.

I love you, sweet girl,
Mom